Steve came home from work Friday night with the ’sneezies”. He never gets sick and I assumed it was allergies.He sneezed off and on through Saturday and part of Sunday and we assumed the Airborne would take care of it.After all he is Steve,the smoker that is never sick.I asked him if anyone at the office had a cold and he said no.I keep forgetting about the hundreds of people that he sits with every day on BART.When I go out I adorn my all black “uniform’ with a huge bright hot pink and orange fleece scarf.I often put it over my mouth.I have not had a cold in 1.5 years and attribute the scarf to not getting sick.Okay that is probably a lot of malarkey,but Id like to think it had some merit.

So Sunday evening comes,he is not sneezing anymore.Monday morning comes and I wake up to ears that feel like they are going to explode and a throat that is on fire.I let out a huge sigh and know I am in for it.If someone has a cold it runs its course.If I get a cold because of my horrible immune system I get it ten fold.And ten fold it was and then some.
Monday and Tuesdays are fourteen hour work days and I had to post items that had formerly belonged to a smoker. I thought I was going to heave most of the day and I graduated from Kleenex to paper towels.The Kleenex would no longer hold the volume of liquids coming out of my nose.Tuesday was the exact replica of Monday and I had to pack huge ‘will not fit in boxes” purses so a lot of creative time consuming packing had to be done.I was also asked by the Post Office Lady if I considered that I might have the Swine Flu.I shot her a look through my soaking wet hair with my face looking much like a horror movie victim.

When you have my job,time marches on and no laying in bed is allowed.I had to go to the city today to look for things.I got up feeling just awful and did more creative purse packing (its like a curse this week).I started coughing up flem.I looked and saw it was brown and always remembered my father saying it is a good thing if it is brown.Okay Arthur, we will take that as an improvement sign.I opened up the hatch to get some air in the loft to let the sickness out.My grandmother Mary Knight used to do that all the time.It could be 100 degrees below zero and she would tell me to help her open the windows to let the sickness out.So laugh if you must but the sickness was let out this morning.:)

I walked to the Post Office pushing at least 40 pounds of stuff uphill.In my mind I thought if this was the 80’s I would have a head band on and I wouldn’t have sweat dripping down my face at this point.Miss Ella was there and she looked at me as if I was going to die and people were shooting me nasty looks from behind me in line knowing I was going to hold the line up for 15 minutes.I brought out my huge box of Kleenex and started to blow my nose and cough and boy did that line back up near the door in fright in record time.Someone asked me again if I thought I had the swine flu..

Twenty minutes later I get on Bart,and make it uptown where the man at Half Price Books asked me if I really thought I should be out.I look at him and start walking around the store and start sneezing so much I pee my pants.Note to self..Must do laundry running out of pants and and underwear from sneezing incessantly.

Got to the city and had a fruit plate at McDonald’s and even the homeless wouldn’t sit near me today.Usually one of the regulars has a story or two to tell me and I hand them a dollar for their “brilliant” storytelling so they can get something to eat.There is NO one on this earth I do not chat with.:)

I walk up the street and the thrift shops are not helping my cold.Nothing like a store full of allergy and bacteria related items to encourage more.
I start sneezing so hard I pee my pants again.Thank goodness I always wear black.

I decide there just is nothing out there today and I make my way to the outside down Escalator at Bart.I see a small film crew at the top of the 64 stairs.I know there are 64 stairs. I have counted them so many times with my cart when the escalator isn’t working.As I make my way downstairs on the escalator I see some really bad acting going on on the stairs.Some actress pretending to pull her heavy suitcase up the stairs and jumping in “pretend ” fright as a icky looking young male in a pimp hat and wife beater shirt asks if he can help her.I can smell the beginnings of a porn movie being made in five seconds flat.Yes the acting was that bad:)I approach the bottom of the escalator nose running,pants wet,and my nose feeling like it is going to fall off.I see the VIVID ENTERTAINMENT written on the crew boxes and know my assumption of the type of film being made was right.All of a sudden I sneeze so hard I have nose liquid dripping down my clevage.

A film crew hand approaches me and another person and asks if we want to be extras at the bottom of the stairs for five minutes.I stand there pants soaking,nose and cleavage glistening,pockets full of Kleenex, and a face according to everyone that looks like I have the Swine flu and just dryly say to him.

“ahh so what are you filming?”
“Let me guess..it has to be a comedy if you want me right now”

With that I give him a look ,rotate around and walk towards the subway hoping I can get home without getting diaper rash.

Linda Seccaspina
copyright June 2009
Savannah Devilles